I'm still awake!!

Wohoo, I'm still awake! I'm going insane with my mum, our discussions arent's anymore lucid, we're just laughing for almost everything!! One patient re-named us too! I'm "Tikku" (in english "stick") and my mum is "Kusi" (pee in english). X'D Mine makes sense since she (the patient) pronounces words ambiguously and my name is Sirkku so Tikku is her substitute for that but we don't have idea, where that "Kusi" came from.

... Or maybe Christmas-stuffs influenced her? They were taken out of the closet in the evening and then those were put'd to the living-room's sofa - where we were - and christmas tree is in finnish "jouluKUUSI" so... XDD Not clear "Kusi" still!

But. I'm really surprised that I'm not sleepy at all! :o Maybe it hits hard tomorrow...? I mean today... in da morning.

Never-ending winter rain.

So. I was in the vet with my mum & Santra on 24th day. Her tumor hasn't reduced, but, it hasn't grow'd either. The vet said, that she thought, that we'll chance her sytostat to gemcitabine for her next visit (which is 03.12). Hope that that will help her... <3
Here's some piccies, which I took of her.


She's in my mum's arms. ^^ <3


Being lil' curious. ;>


Santra in her travel box covering her eyes. ^__^


View of Veterinary Teaching Hospital's lobby. There's the coffee automat which from u get yummy "mint hot chocolate" too. *__*

Tonight I'm going to Killinmäki for a night shift with my mum. Dunno what's that going to be. XD I fall a sleep for sure at some point...

CODE「B」.

Okey dokey. I had school today 08:00 to 10:00am. Do u know how frustrating it was to go there for just a couple of hours? -___-" Besides we had statistic math and it sucks badly, our teacher is one menopaused lady I tell u! And it's just sooooooo booooriiiing~.

Ando's new PV is supercute (plus - & - is a good album!)! Or may I say, porn somehow?! ;> Ikuma is hot as hell (>:D) and I wouldn't complain if they would show Suzune (<3) more in that...! Should I add some cappies here?! YEEEEAH! *Shiru does cappin'* Darn the guys look good! *insert drooling* Btw, Suzu is xtremely hard man to cap. <<

H-e-r-e u g-o! ^o^ CODE「B」!


ON/OFF-guys.




Ikuma is loosing it!!


... Definetly.



Becoming paranoid? Anyone?



Look tells it all. ;D





Street credibility 100%




Gotta love that man. >:D


JUMPY JUMP Happy gays! BD



But. I'm - again - 100% addicted to Sadie's MASTER OF ROMANCE. How can they do so fuckin' good - goddamn PERFECT - album?! I can listen the whole album like a billion of times and it's still so damn awesome!! *o* I'm forever in love with this... Snif anyone? And the DVD, which I got, doesn't ease my overall obession of Sadie! :C Plus, there's the perfect man - Aki. *____*

It's drizzling outside. And fog is like everywhere. "Emo-weather" much? Yes. UH, UH! And I got Aggy & Sujk for my -Yggdalive- CD's! <3 Now I have only one prob... Will I sell Aggy or Sujk one?! 8/ I really don't need two CDs so...

I just call'd to Hiidenvaara (my summerjob and so on working place...) to ask, could I just give my displays there, so I wouldn't need to go Tapiola's Dementia home anymore - they asked me to remove my piercing on friday. HELL NO I'M GOING TO DO THAT!! So I putted this choice up. And luckily chief @ Hiidenvaara said yes, so now it's up to my school...!

Lorelei~

Ohgay, I don't know what to think about DELUHI's LORELEI. Since it's early morning AND I'M LIKING IT - I'm not sure is it true... And I mean that that it is a good song? Is it?! *singing along* I wanna have my copy of Two Hurt -FOOL'S MATE version- now! This song is a rip of somewhere.... Or at least it's quality sucks badly...

MY BRAND-X PACKET JUST CAME IN!!! MY SIS GOT SUJK ON HER CD!!! *__* Hopefully she wanties to chance with me since I have Juri there... With DELUHI there came Ando's new CD + with it two special DVDs. 8) Shame, I don't have time now to rip it to my iPod & comp. :C

MASTER OF ROMANCE & -Yggdalive-!

I got my MASTER OF ROMANCE DVD & -Yggdalive- on friday! *____* MOR DVD is FANTASTIC and the lil' book - witch came with it - is pure love! Some crappy piccies below.


My first -Yggdalive- came from Zeallink; bonuses were Aggy's comment & 5 pcs of DELUHI (the black ones, shown below!).


Here's the Zeallink's bonus pics and Sujk-photoset which I bought seperately. *__*


-Yggdalive-'s CD featuring Juri. I WANNA HAVE SUJK OR AGGY! <<


MOR DVD's package. 8)


The DVD and the lil' book which came out of it. ^__^


Piccies of the book!


*dies & drools*



I have been sooooooooo tired. I have slept like 12 hours and I'm still so fuckin' sleepy! -___-" Sleep debts much?

Rape = surprise sex! ^___~

I'm at home. I didn't feel like going to Tapiola so~... NOW I GOT A REASON TOO! I had a terrible headache when I woke up this morning. My shoulders were too so damn rigid. -__-" Not the nicest way to wake up! I want Tomo to wake me up every motning!! Since he does it well - if it's worth to believe that one "comment" stub. XD Grau. Aki will do too hey! He don't even have to do anything! ;D

Yesterday's gig was nice!! Manson ere good, though it could been better still. He played his new CDs songs; Devour was beautiful, but also e.g. Coma White (<666 - I loved it!), The Dope Show, The Beautiful People, If I Was Your Vampire & Sweet Dreams. Jonna cried in Devour and in If I Was Your Vampire too? XD Those were meaningful songs to her so~... I had fun (though I doubted it for a long time before the gig! ;P) and so had she - and Ninni too? XD Cannot speak for her... Jonna isn't answering to my SMS-messages! << How dares she! ...Where the hell she is?! I want to go to see one movie (Paranormal Activity) with her, but...

There's ppl! Lot of them. The upper section of Hartwall Arena were closed so we got better places from lower section. ;>


This is the band which played before MM - and I know, u cannot see a thing from this pic. What was it call'd? ;P Vanity Beach!

*yawn* I'm tired. Should I go to sleep? No~ way! I wanna have "Arano no Sakebi Koe: Howl, Buck" (In finnish "Erämaan kutsu") on DVD. 8< I had a flackback from it just a minute ago!! I used to play role games - when I was a child - which based on that anime! 8)

Puttin' holes in happiness.

Here I am, home again, when I should be somewhere else - at this time in my on-the-job-learning place at Tapiola! Huh, I'm such a a lazy-assed person - I call'd there and said, that I'm sick.

Ando~ I "have to go" Marilyn Manson's gig tonight @ Hartwall Arena. I has no feeling for that! << Put maybeez Jonna's company is good for me? Who knows, I don't. I think I have to stay at her place for the night also, since train schedules sucks badly. But. It can be fun? I just dunno can I sleep there, I never have been there for a night! *baby* I was outside with doggied few minutes ago. Though I used them outside seperately, because Moira is such an idiot - she has manners of a pig. And I'm not lying! She is very nice and kind, but she has a serious AD/HD-problem or something... Santra just loved the weather outside! Ground in frost and sun were shining - yet it still shines. ;) She & I enjoyed of our lil' walk. <3 Shame I didn't have my cam with me!

Uh, I almost forgot! Here's some snow piccies since we do have snow here... First snow fall'd 4th Nov, about 21.00pm o'clock (the dark "night pic" is of it).




Yeah. That's it. ^^ Ah, plus! Today I'm goin to - with my mum & Santra - to the vet. She's gonna have some other tretment if her blood values are good... Hopefully they are.

Nightmareland.

FCK. I still hadn't got DELUHI's mini here, although I have ordered it from three several places! -__- And... I WANT MY SADIE'S DVD NOW!! Missä vitussa sekin kuppaa saakeli. My deputy service clearly has some mental issues against me. How hard is it to send it to Finland?!

And those aren't the shittiest things around here. I have some fucking difficulties to get sleep. I just start to roll "Santra things" in my head when I turn out the lights of my room... That's why I use candles now, they can burn till the stearine ends. And I just cannot help it. This hole "process" stresses me so much and my new on-the-job learning place don't do my things easier. IT SUCKS. Without Jonna, I wouldn't be able to go there... <<

I have nothing more to lose, but the pain and misery - of losing you...

So... Santra's cancer has returned. She has a medium sized node in her groins. She and my mum went to the vet today for sytostatic treatment and my mum said, that she will ask about the node there.... And my mum call'd me there... She said, that vet has took a sample of it. The results weren't good... Holy shit I'm crying all the time... Vet said, that it's useless to operate her again, because her tumor is so highly agressive, that it just would keep on growing back.

I don't want to lose her. I just don't. I cannot handle this fucking pain again. Why it's always your dog?! Few years ago I losed Peppi, and I'm still crying after her. She was even younger than Santra and got fucking rare meningitis which eated her brains. God, I miss her.

And don't u fuckin' tell me that they're JUST DOGS. They're part of my family. Now & ever.

// ED AT 19:28: //
I'm in work. Still I cannot thing anything but Santra... I could just cry... I hardly can breathe... FCK. I want to go to home. I want to save her... WHAT THE HELL I'M GONNA DO.

Is it for sure my shadow [Number:six]?

"...Yes, I'm sure your shadow [Rebel:sicks]

I'm shadow your shadow
Therefore I denying you
Not first... I'm not fast
I feel live by denying you..."
As u can see, I'm poppin' DELUHI's Rebel:Sicks, Shadow:Six - a lot. Dunno why, I just listened for a one time for a while and SNAP! *___* I have always liked this song, but now it has been - obvioubly - growing on me (every song has it's time, I see - and seeing Aggy in my head playing this song, everytime I listen to it, doesn't hurt! BD). I'm anxiously waiting for their mini (and Two Hurt's -FOOL'S MATE- edition), I have ordered it from THREE different places (cause of the damn comment DVDs! :L)! o..O One of them I'm giving to Eini (the one which comes from Brand-X with Leda comment DVD), but... Plus I'm not even skeptic for it anymore, because REVOLVER BLAST sounded "nice"! ^o~ And I'm surely forgiving Juri for his dark brown hair, he looks way-too-good in some pictutures! Sujk is still my "number one boy" (fact that will not chance) - cannot pass those eyes; and smile (which he desperately tries to hide - foolish man!). *o*

This morning I went out with both of your dogs; Moira & Santra, here's few crappy pics of your forest trip. Try to get something out of these... :'D (U see, there's dogs in there!!)







Yeah. Moira tried to run over Santra couple of times so I screamed prettily in the forest for a few times... Everybody in this neighborhood knows when me and Moira (the big black, u know) are out! :''D I have to go to work for 13.30. I really don't feel like doing anything useful, but at least I get paid for it (~10€/hour). @.@ I have almost spended my latest earnings; I have shopped DELUHI-stuff's (mentioned above), Matenrou Opera's DVD, vistlip's CD, Nega's singles (all three types), christmas gift for Jonna...

Tomorrow I have to go to school - AND work. -___-" And in wednesday same thing. In 11th Nov I'm going to Manson's gig (with Jonna and her lil' sis, as mentioned earlier). If he's heal'd from his pig influenza...! >.<

Sweetness & desire.

Jonna is back in love-business! ;D She call'd me about 19:00 o'clock to tell me, how her "date" went... And as u can guess, it went veeeery well! *wink wink* :'D We laughed and gossiped over for a hour in a phone! XDD At some point my mum & lil' sis Eini came to my room for comp to make a net-lottery + my mum asked me to make one row too... I SPOKE IN A PHONE WITH JONNA AT SAME TIME SO... XD It didn't went very well, my numbers suck'd hard. D: AND WE DIDN'T WIN NOTHING! Surprise? No. XD

Reason why I'm doing this post is that I forgot post yesterday some random piccies, so here they are now!


Ohgay~ Pigeon and sparrow! I was at a trail station waiting for my train one day - and I was bored. So... Needless to say? :'D


My arm at one school day - Jonna drawed to it. XD And my handwriting, yeeeeah!


Tolsa's train "station" - rather train stop... @.@


Tolsa's train satop at dark morning and view from our car at evening (I was waiting in the car for my mum & Eini - they went to the market... I rather listened to -OZ-'s VERSUS in da car. XD)

I have to go to work tomorrow... Not inspiring at all... I have day off from school, but it doesn't help. << AND AND! I FINALLY ORDERED THAT IPOD! Green one! ^^ Plus I'm kinda "full of" of my one friend. I don't know... She just pisses me off.